March 10, 2008 at 3:13 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: bad habits, empowerment, mental health, self help, therapists
Recently, I picked up a self-help book. Since I have been banned from therapy, I find these books useful. Banned from therapy? Well, yes, it’s true. I had a tendency to cause some major jaw dropping. Therapists don’t like to do that so much.
Once I went to a therapist and informed her I was thinking of cutting off contact with my mother. Such a statement is like giving a dog the whole Costco-sized bag of treats or pigs’ ears—Oh the Pavlovian drool. Yet, she was quite good, closed her mouth, and after my story, she agreed with me without a second or 600th appointment to discuss it further. But not all therapists were so willing to let it be; thus, some little issue like encouraging a nervous breakdown was warranted, with a prescription of zero aftercare from any therapist. Believe it or not, I’m basically over that part of it—I didn’t have the money for more therapy anyway.
And since, I have discovered, it is much cheaper to pick up a book and read such things as how to break maladaptive behavioral patterns than it is to talk to a therapist about such things. So that is what I am doing, breaking bad habits. Instead of yelling “Ow!” when I hit my finger with a hammer, I say, “That hurts, yes, oh yes, but I will not identify with the pain.” And it dawns on me that my mother didn’t have anything to do with it this time. And then, the same thing happens whether I fight it or not: the pain resides and the bruised fingernail grows until it is smooth and pink again.
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February 5, 2008 at 6:17 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: acupuncture, family, humor, parenting, teenagers
Two different things happened one week during the summer.
One: My son the notoriously fussy eater ate fish. He said when camping he will eat the fish he catches and then some if offered. At home, he will not touch the stuff so don’t even try. I almost had to pull the car over when he told me because this kid doesn’t put anything in his mouth other than pizza, macaroni and cheese and candy.
Two: He gave me a new name, “Porcupine.”
I had acupuncture for the first time and he had the same reaction as I did about him eating fish, “You did what???”
It all started the year before when I rode a roller coaster trying to prove that I was some kind of cool mom or something, which was a ridiculous consideration in the first place. I’m kind of a dork. And isn’t it to our advantage as parents of teens to have them exasperated with us rather than think we’re cool? And since all my life I have hated roller coasters why did I ever get this idea to ride one? My collarbone area has not been the same. I have given up on how to describe the discomfort, let’s just say it can get very distracting. Then the type of work I do compounded the problem as well as the car accident I had, and apparently as I age, I don’t heal as fast anymore even if I eat blueberries by the bushels, drink green tea, and take Advil.
Doctors have had no clue what to do. They gave me an EKG. They said my heart’s fine. Really? They said take Advil and don’t get stressed out even after charging me over $3000.00 for their medical expertise in this diagnosis.
So acupuncture was my next adventure in healing. I had needles in my ears, calves, ankles, and a magnet on my finger which in my opinion made me feel much cooler than any roller coaster riding mama. Will it work? If my son ate fish, then there is nothing but optimism in my mind.
I’ll let you know.
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February 4, 2008 at 1:40 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: family, parenting, sons, teenagers
Last week, I had the opportunity to be the good mom and provide some fun for my son and his friend. So? I realized how long it had been since we spent a day steeped in enjoyment. We had absolutely no conflict. How can this be for a mom and her teenager? Let me say, it’s the closest to heaven one can get. Okay, maybe I exaggerate, but then maybe not.
The peace really began in the car on the 80 mile drive down to this fun. We shared a hearty laugh over an incredibly slow driver we were stuck behind on the two lane highway. When I could, I tried to take a side street to get ahead of him, but signals and traffic wouldn’t allow this maneuver to succeed. We were together in this failed goal, laughing when we ended up right back where we started, behind him turtling along.
Later when I took a wrong turn, my son had a blast telling his friend some amazing statistics on how I have such a tendency. Could there be a metaphor here? In any case, we found our way and when my son bounced with joy when seeing the slides at the waterpark, I couldn’t help but remember his pre-pubescent days of harmonious agreement. Yes, I admit it—a blatantly exaggerated statement.
My point is that the whole experience was a reminder of how much we need to incorporate more such days into our lives so when we look back, we can say the teenage years were not always about the struggle for autonomy.
We can officially say we were in agreement about at least one thing—our definition of a great day.
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February 3, 2008 at 6:47 pm (Uncategorized)
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